Your first meeting is not your last meeting with these referral sources. Your first meeting is the beginning of a long relationship. You’re looking to stay connected to these people forever.

Networking Is Not a One and Done

Let’s be clear: if you take someone to lunch one time and have a nice conversation followed up by a thank-you note, you might get a referral. But you’re not likely to get a stream of referrals. You’re not likely to be remembered for the next 30 years. You’re not building an asset.

The first meeting is just the first meeting. It is essential that the first meeting lead to a second and to a third, a fourth, a fifth, and on and on. Eventually, your relationship will become less structured and more casual. Eventually, you’ll buy that beach house, or your spouses will get involved in scheduling get-togethers. Until that happens, it’s important to create and abide by a rigid structure so you don’t accidentally drift away from your contact. You’ll want to implement a system to manage the relationship and stick to the system.

The Follow-Up Cycle

I like a 90-day schedule that repeats over and over again. Here’s the plan (feel free to tweak it to your specific situation):

Day 1: Buy your contact lunch or coffee.

Day 2: Send a follow-up note. Mail a handwritten note the first time. Feel free to use e-mail for subsequent communications.

Day 30: Send a note on something pertinent. Look for something helpful, interesting, or relevant that you can forward to your contact. Ideally, you identified an issue where you can be of assistance, and you’ll communicate on that topic.

Day 60: Send another note (again, e-mail is fine) similar to the earlier note. Go ahead and mention dates for another get-together around day 90. Propose some dates.

Day 75: If you don’t yet have a lunch or coffee planned, then go ahead and schedule something now. Place a call if necessary and get the next lunch on the calendar.

Day 90: Buy your contact lunch or coffee.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

This is the cycle of maintaining your relationship. You want to stay in touch, and you want to stay top of mind. Ideally, you’re having additional interactions with your contacts. Maybe you’re running into them at bar association meetings, out in restaurants, or in other places. Maybe you’re working together on something that came up at the first meeting. Hopefully, you’re also able to send thank-you notes for your referrals. Following this schedule is the bare minimum of activity.

Minimum Effort, Maximum Return

There are other interactions you may have with your contacts without exerting any additional effort. For instance:

• If you have a newsletter or holiday card list, you’ll add your contacts, and they’ll get that additional touch from you.
• If you have an annual holiday party or open house, they’ll be on your guest list.
• If you offer seminars for professionals, be sure to invite your networking contacts.

All of that activity will place you prominently on your contacts’ radar screen.

Ideally, your relationships will eventually move to the next level. You’ll invite your contacts over for dinner at your home, and they’ll reciprocate. You’ll plan a night at the theater with your spouses, and they’ll invite you to play a round of golf. Hopefully, your kids will like the contact’s kids and play dates will happen. At my age, it’s more likely that my kid will get hired to babysit for their kids. It’s all perfectly natural, and it’s what you’re looking for as your life becomes intertwined with the life of your referral sources.

Think about the ways in which you interact with your friends and apply them to these relationships. Do you send your friends a birthday card or acknowledge their birthday on Facebook? It’s the same deal with these new relationships. You’re building connections, friendships, and relationships. These relationships may not have started in childhood or at school, but they’re no less significant or important. Most importantly, these networking relationships involve people—regular people—who seek connections with others and are open to the idea of connecting more deeply with you.

The first networking meeting just ended. The rest of your networking relationship is ahead of you. Use the system to prime the pump. Get into a regular communication rhythm. The relationship will kick in and take over. Friendship doesn’t require a rigorous system. Let things evolve, and you’ll build a thriving practice.