Bored? Looking for more excitement in your life?

Here’s how to get it. This Nine-Step Action Plan for Massive Stress will get you interested:

1. Start hiring. Hire an associate, a paralegal, and an administrative assistant. Do it when you’re running at about $250,000 per year in revenues. Don’t hesitate, because you see the trend, and it’s all positive.

2. Lease more space. You’ll need it for the new team. You might want to add the option to lease the space next door. Go for the long-term lease since it’s a better deal.

3. Take out a loan. Borrow some money (ideally on credit cards) to finance the expenses associated with the growth and the need to amp up the marketing program. Use some of the money to buy some really nice furniture and have your firm name put up on the wall in big brass letters in the lobby.

4. Lease some gear. Your new people will need a bigger copier. More people, more copies, right? Get one of the big ones with a super-duper document feeder. Let the copier salespeople take you to lunch, and be sure you get the one with all the bells and whistles. Get a postage meter while you’re at it. Every real law firm has a postage meter.

5. Buy a phone system. Sure, your cell phone used to do the job, but now you need a full-blown system with call transfer, recording, and all kinds of remote access.

6. Hire the IT guys. With all this technology being implemented in your office, you’ll need an IT firm to manage it and keep it running. No more Genius Bar for you. Sign a long-term contract with a full-service firm. Make sure it buys you a server, switches, a firewall, and some other mysterious network “appliances” so you’ll be in the big leagues.

7. Buy more marketing. Sign up with a search engine optimization firm and a pay-per-click advertising firm. Also, commit to a long-term plan involving lots of videos for YouTube and your website. At the pitch meetings, make sure that the firms use lots of fancy buzzwords, detailed spreadsheets, and complicated algorithms. You might also consider a public relations program along with some radio and TV advertising.

8. Get some professional advice. Find yourself a great lawyer to handle your business matters and book some time with a big accounting firm. The bigger the firm, the better. You’ll need top-notch assistance with your effort, and you don’t want bad advice holding you back.

9. Take it up a notch at home. Buy a new house and a new car. Heck, now’s as good a time as any to buy a new car for your spouse. The new house doesn’t have a pool and irrigation system? Come on! Who lives like that? Get a couple of those cool purple Adirondack chairs for the pool deck and position them where you can look out at the nice green lawn.

That’s it: that’s the plan. You won’t be bored anymore if you take these nine actions. You’ll be feeling every second of your life. My guess is that you’ll even be thinking about it at 2 AM, 3 AM, and 4 AM. Good luck.