Whether it’s you and one employee or you plus dozens of employees, it’s important to remember that you’re the boss, not a friend.

That’s tricky when you’re small. It gets easier as you grow.

You’ve got to remember that you’re not friends. You can be close, but you’re in a manager/employee relationship that is very different from a friend/friend relationship.

The Difference Between Friends and Employees

Friends are a good thing, and most of us can use more of them. (Anyone want to be my friend?) But being friends is very different from being the boss.

What’s different?

• Friends are equals. Don’t delude yourself. If you’re the boss, you’re not equals. You’ve got a big sign on your forehead that says “I can fire you.” That changes everything.
• Friends accept each other as they are. They don’t try to change one another. A good boss is constantly providing feedback and helping an employee improve.
• Friends don’t check up on one another. The boss is supposed to check on things: it’s your job to manage things.

It’s especially complicated in the small office. Relationship lines get blurred. You spend all day together. You may talk to your employee more than you do to your spouse or anyone else in your life. You each learn about the other’s life, and you know one another’s secrets. Lines get more than blurred; they get obliterated.

Don’t let that happen. Maintain the boundaries. That’s your job as a manager.

What Happens When You Cross the Line?

When boundaries get blurred, bad things happen. Things like this:

• You tell your “friend” secrets you shouldn’t tell.
• You get accused of favoritism because—guess what—you’re playing favorites.
• You learn about your employee’s personal problems, which complicates your business decision-making processes.
• You avoid providing corrective feedback because it becomes awkward.
• You hesitate to fire a friend/employee when it’s clear she needs to go.

It’s emotionally difficult in these relationships to keep up the fence. Boundaries are hard to keep in place when we have our own emotional agendas. Some of us have a deep need to be liked. Some of us are conflict-avoidant and do anything to minimize tension and upset. Some of us are lonely. It’s important to recognize the parts of ourselves that make management difficult. Knowing yourself is the first step in avoiding destructive behavior and becoming an effective manager.

Maintaining boundaries works in everyone’s favor. Employees want a fair leader. They want to trust in their work environment. By maintaining boundaries, you provide a place where employees can trust management and feel comfortable and secure.

How Should You Relate to Your Employees?

Be social. Don’t hesitate to hang out once in a while. Spend time together outside of the office and get to know one another. Just don’t make it an overly frequent thing. Lunch together once a week is fine. Dinner together five nights a week isn’t.

Connect. Have a warm and supportive relationship. Be interested and concerned. Understand your employee’s ambitions and goals. Just don’t let that connection go too far. You can be close. You can have warm, friendly feelings toward one another. But you won’t have the same connection you have with your friends. It’s different.

You’ll know you’ve crossed the line when you’re getting late-night texts about personal issues. In fact, you’ll know it way before the texts start showing up. Care about your people and their lives, but do it in context. Get to know your people as people, just not as friends.

Be left out. The small office group needs to do things without you. That’s part of maintaining the boundaries. Don’t feel hurt when you’re not invited. When they’re off without you, it’s a good sign, but it doesn’t always feel good. That’s the difference between being the boss and being the friend. Being left out, or affirmatively declining the invitation, is part of your job as the manager.

You can’t do your job as a manager if you let these boundaries get blurred. You lose your objectivity, your authority, and your effectiveness. It’s a struggle when you’re a tiny business. It gets easier as you grow and as there are more employees. Learning to function as a good manager will increase the speed at which you grow.

Remember, it’s not about you; it’s about your position. You’re playing a part in your business. It’s your job to do your job and do it well. Maintaining some distance is a key part of doing what you’ve got to do to succeed.