There’s no telling how many stories you’re going to hear about my estate planning process. I met with one lawyer, and she didn’t want to represent me. Then I met with another lawyer, who did a great job and got the work done. It was an ordeal that ended really well.

Both experiences got me thinking, and I’ve got a bunch of notes and tales I’ll tell as time goes along. Being a client is a real learning experience.

For today, it’s the story of the pen. The pen? Yes, it’s the story of one of those writing instruments with the lawyer’s name imprinted on the side.

I have to tell you that I’m not a big fan of the imprinted stuff. We’ve bought and given away pens, notepads, folders, coffee mugs, shirts, calendars, leather binders, etc. We’ve been down the road of printing my name on junk—big time.

Does having your name on the side of a coffee mug feel good?

Yep, having my name on a coffee mug makes me feel great. I love drinking my coffee out of a mug with my name (or my law firm’s name) on the side. It’s a really big ego trip. In fact, I like my name even more on a mug than I do on a leather binder or polo shirt. I love having my name printed on stuff. I may order some baseball caps with my name on them right now. Red would be nice. Yes, I’ll go with red, and maybe I’ll order a few in blue. This is fun.

Back to my story…

The Tale of the Not-So-Mighty Pen

I sit down with this estate planner. She puts down her briefcase, digs around, and pulls out the pen. It has her name on the side and something like “Attorney at Law” or “Estate Planning” or whatever underneath. She slides the pen across the table. It actually comes zipping across the slick surface, and I react (I’ve still got it, baby). My hand flies over to grab the pen before it slides off the edge. Boom, the pen is in my hand.

She says, “Here’s one of these,” and smiles (she has nice teeth). She then hands me a business card.

Okay, I hold the pen, and we start the meeting. I explain what I need while holding the pen.

Why do I have a pen in my hand? No reason. There’s nothing to sign. I’ve got no use for a pen. I realize she’s giving me a pen because it’s her schtick. She gives everyone a pen.

Now I’ve got a free pen. Did I want a pen? No. In fact, I’m all about my Space Pen, as anyone who has been around me for more than 10 minutes already knows (I talk about it a lot). I love my Space Pen. It’s compact and writes upside down and underwater.

Does This Kind of Marketing Work?

Will the lawyer pen make me more likely to hire the lawyer? Will I now refer business to her? Was the way I was given the pen weird? Did the pen make me trust her more?

Everything about the pen episode was off. It didn’t work. It wasn’t natural. It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t accompanied by any words that helped put the pen in context. The pen took us in the wrong direction.

What’s the difference between the pen and a hoodie sweatshirt? What if she had walked in, tossed a hoodie at me, and asked, “What can I do for you?” I’m thinking that would have been even weirder because a sweatshirt is bigger. Someone could get injured in a hoodie tossing, right?

As usual, the winner in this particular marketing product effort is the seller of the marketing product. Someone sold her the pens. That company made money on the deal. The lawyer will make nothing and might even lose money as a result of seeming so odd with her pens.

It’s very tempting when companies send you a sample pen (mug, hoodie, or whatever) to place an order for this stuff. I love the samples with my name already on them. It’s an ego boost. Our names look great on keychains, right? But, before you buy anything, think about what you’re going to do with it. Are you going to end up tossing pens at unsuspecting clients as some sort of reflex test?

There’s a reason these salespeople keep calling, stopping by, and mailing you free samples. There’s a reason they’re so persistent. That reason has nothing to do with you getting more business.