I sort of love that this happens.

I get these upset e-mails from readers who think I’m writing about them. The most recent one said something like, “I wrote to you a few weeks ago seeking your advice about…” He goes on to accuse me, “Since that time, you’ve taken it upon yourself to criticize my website on two occasions…”

I wasn’t talking about him or his website. I was talking about lawyers and their websites. There’s usually not that much difference between one lawyer and the next. Nor is there much difference in their websites. I wasn’t talking about him.

Of course, now I’m talking about him (and I feel a little guilty about it).

Something similar used to happen to me with Reverend Julie.

That Fly on the Wall Feeling

Reverend Julie was this great minister I knew. I attended her services once in a while. She was really interesting.

I often felt like she was talking to me. I felt like she knew some stuff I’d done and was telling us why I shouldn’t have done it. Of course, she never used my name.

I got totally paranoid sometimes listening to her.

The Reverend Julie sermon I recall best was about gossiping. I pled guilty. I’d been doing exactly what she said I’d been doing. Of course, she never said it was me. But I could feel her steely eyes cutting right through me. I knew, and she knew. Of course, that was all in my insane, paranoid head. Or was it?

I’d listen to Reverend Julie and think, “How did you know?”

Of course, she knew because we aren’t all that different from one another.

She knew she could do a sermon on gossip and most of us would feel guilty. She could do a sermon on embezzling from the client trust fund and most of us would… (ha, just kidding on that one). There are so many sins we all commit in common that she can pick one and it applies to most of us most of the time.

Anyway, you get the idea. Reverend Julie knew a fair amount about how we operate as humans. She got it, and she gave us that sense that she was watching us. That she knew what we were thinking. She made us think she was talking about us. Reverend Julie understood our story, and she could tell it.

The good news is that Reverend Julie made me a better person. She used her power and her insights for good. She taught important lessons, and she did it in a manner that encouraged me to internalize her teachings.

Reverend Julie gave me that “fly on the wall” feeling. It’s like she was secretly watching my life. More than that: it was like she was secretly watching my thoughts.

Reverend Julie knew my story. She could tell my story. She could articulate my story better than I could articulate it myself.

The Impact of Understanding

That “fly on the wall” feeling is powerful. When people believe that you understand them, they trust you. Being understood creates a powerful connection. We long to be understood. Reverend Julie was able to tell me my story, make me feel the connection, and then guide me to better answers and behavior in my life.

When people understand us and our problems, we automatically assume that they also know the solution to the problem. If they can tell us our story, then we’re willing to follow them. We’re willing to believe them. We’re going to assume the answers they provide are the right answers for us.

That’s why you want your clients to get that “fly on the wall” feeling. That’s also why I want you to get that feeling when you read my posts here on my site.

If your clients feel understood, then they’re going to automatically buy your solution to their problem. If you feel like I’m talking about you, then you’re going to buy what I’m selling. You’re going to take my advice, buy my courses, and attend my workshops.

We all want to be understood. We understand that you understand us when you tell our story back to us. That’s when we get that you get us. When we know we’re understood, we trust you. When we trust you, we let you help us.

Can you tell your clients’ story? Do they feel like you’ve been watching them? Do they feel like you’re a fly on the wall?

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