I never had a wingman when I was dating. Maybe that was my problem.

Wingman defined:

Wingman is a role that a person may take when a friend needs support with approaching potential partners. A wingman is someone who is on the “inside” and is used to help someone with intimate relationships. In general, one person’s wingman will help him or her avoid attention from undesirable prospective partners or attract desirable ones, or both.

Dating was never easy for me. I wasn’t a smooth operator. Just ask some of the women I dated. Maybe a wingman would have helped?

So I might be the last person who should be advising on the use of a wingman, but that hasn’t stopped me from giving advice before, so I’ll give it my best shot.

Sometimes you’re going to have to attend networking functions, regardless of whether you want to. It might be a bar association event or something sponsored by the Chamber of Commerce. It could be a political reception you feel like you can’t miss. These events are unavoidable when you’re practicing law.

Some people love networking events. Not me.

In fact, I hate them so much that I created my own approach to building a professional network without ever having to go to these horror shows. (Maybe that’s an exaggeration?) I teach it in my Networking 101 course.

But realistically, you’re likely to end up at one of these things at some point and, more likely than not, you’ll end up at them many times.

That’s where the wingman comes in.

See, you’re not alone in hating these events. Lots of people suffer through these events. Many of us get really anxious about attending parties, receptions, and gatherings, and we’d rather stay home and watch reruns of 30 Rock.

The wingman can get you through it. In fact, with the right wingman, you can actually have a good time.

How to Navigate an Event With Your Wingman

Approach some prospective wingman candidates and offer them my plan.

Here’s the plan:

1. Find a wingman. Approach another lawyer with your plan. Find someone who needs to attend these functions just like you. If you’re not sure whom to approach, then use the next event as a scouting opportunity. Look for people who also seem unhappy about attending.
2. Make a deal. Go to lunch and talk about the idea of serving as wingman for one another. Agree to stick together and introduce one another to others. Come to an understanding about how you’ll keep the conversation going with one another and with others.
3. Go to events. Arrive together and stick together. Stand in such a way that you leave physical space for others to jump into your conversation. Grab others as they go by and bring them into your circle. Go together and approach those who look like they’re alone with no one to talk to. Join forces to approach those who seem unapproachable.
4. Fill in the blanks. Sometimes the two of you will end up in a “conversation” with someone who has nothing to say. No biggie. Just keep talking to one another and give your guest the opportunity to jump in. The two of you can just keep the conversation rolling along regardless of how well others join in.
5. Keep talking. Sometimes the two of you will end up talking to one another. Agree that, when that happens, you’ll just continue to chat so neither of you stresses out about having no one to talk to. Just keep the banter going and relax. You don’t have to be on the hunt for new connections during every moment of the event.

Why You’ll Enjoy Having a Wingman

Having a wingman changes everything. It reduces stress and tension. It builds your connection to your new friend, and it opens doors to meeting lots of people you would have been unwilling to approach alone.

Here’s the weird thing: having a wingman you really like makes going to these events fun. Who would have thought that was possible? Yep, you can actually have a good time.

Get yourself a wingman. Not only will finding someone help you build your network, but it’ll also give you a new friend, and it will build your friend’s network as well. It’s time to find your wingman.