Illness is horrible. I had a heart attack and quintuple bypass surgery when I was 37. We had two young children and a busy law practice, and the medical problem threw us for a loop. Thankfully, all has gone well since I recovered.

I’m not alone in dealing with an illness. Things happen…bad things. It’s one of the downsides of being human.

We each handle illness differently.

Lawyer Number One

She had a heart attack. I have no idea how bad it was, but no heart attack is a good thing, so let’s agree that it was bad.

Right off the bat, it was clear that this was not something we were supposed to know. It was being kept quiet. She disappeared for a while, and we all wondered what happened. Over the next few days, it became clear that it was a medical problem. We were concerned. We like her and care about her.

But it was obvious that whatever happened was being kept a secret. She or her family wanted it all kept private.

However, in our legal community, nothing is private. We talk. We all know. The word gets out. We all knew something bad had happened, but we didn’t know the details. The fact that it was being kept quiet only added fuel to the fire. Everyone was talking about it.

Lawyer Number Two

He had a heart attack as well. It was really bad. We know the details, and it was a big, freaking medical deal. Heart attacks come in different varieties, and this was bad—big time. He has a long road of recovery ahead of him.

There were no secrets. The word was put out as information become available. It spread like wildfire in our legal community and went way beyond us to the church community and the school community. Everyone knew what happened. In fact, within days, a friend set up a website to share information.

Obviously, there wasn’t any coordinated effort to put the news out. It just happened. There were no secrets. Everyone wanted to know, and the word spread naturally and very, very quickly out of concern.

The Impact of Each Approach

Let’s call these two lawyers the “Secret Lawyer” and the “Open Lawyer.”

I don’t think there’s anything wrong or right about either approach. It’s just different to observe the reaction to each lawyer’s (and their family members’) handling of the event.

The Secret Lawyer got a tepid response. It was clear that we weren’t supposed to be talking about her condition, so we whispered. A big topic of conversation was the mystery surrounding the problem. Instead of talking about how to help, we were wondering and talking about what was really going on and why everyone was being kept in the dark.

The secrecy surrounding the situation resulted in weird rumors. No one understood why secrets were being kept, and speculation was rampant. In fact, many of us still wonder exactly what happened. There was never any resolution. The discussion faded, but the weirdness created by the events hangs darkly over the law firm.

On the other hand, the Open Lawyer told all. Details flooded out with the permission of the family. The mess created by the medical problem generated a tremendous need to provide support for the family. Kids needed to be cared for, medical issues needed to be sorted, and household tasks required handling. Life goes on even when an illness strikes, and a heart attack makes it impossible to get everything done.

People talked about the Open Lawyer. They talked a lot, and they asked things like “How can I help?” The outpouring of love, concern, and compassion was overwhelming.

Here’s some—just a fraction—of what happened:

• Food was provided. In fact, a website allowing friends to volunteer and schedule meals was maxed out in 15 minutes. There weren’t enough meal slots for all the people who wanted to bring food.
• Child care was covered. The kids were immediately swept up in the loving embrace of friends and family who jumped in to care for them. Lots of lawyers have kids who know the children of the Open Lawyer. Invites flooded in.
• Snacks. Volunteers took care of packing a month’s worth of school lunches and snacks for the children using lots of tiny Ziploc bags.
• Phone. A small group of lawyers took over the spouse’s and the lawyer’s phones and started responding to all the messages asking for information and offers of assistance.
• Overnights. Another group coordinated overnights at the hospital. A team formed to make sure things were covered each evening.
• Medical intervention. When the spouse wasn’t getting quick answers, a local lawyer called the head of the medical department and got things moving. Boom! Answers were forthcoming.
• Practice. Local lawyers jumped in and covered meetings and events.
• Coordination. As you can imagine, with all these offers to help flooding in, there’s a need to coordinate, so some lawyers took on the task of helping to arrange and organize the volunteers.
• Teachers. Others offered to communicate with the teachers at school and keep the kids on track.
• Medical information. Some nurses from the church volunteered to educate the family on the medical issues.
• Errands and more. Some took charge of running errands, keeping the house straight, etc. You get the idea. People did whatever they could to help.

The Secret Lawyer and the Open Lawyer got very different responses from their communities. It’s fascinating and enlightening to watch. It makes me think about how I’d respond in a similar situation.

Which Approach Would You Choose?

I can relate to the Secret Lawyer. I suspect that the Secret Lawyer felt vulnerable about letting people know her private business. I suspect she worried that physical weakness might be perceived negatively and result in less business for her firm. I suspect she likes the idea of projecting an image of competence, professionalism, and immunity to difficulties. It’s likely that I have no idea what motivated her and her family. I don’t know what I don’t know.

But the love that came forth for the Open Lawyer is impressive. The compassion that poured out for him and his family is nothing short of amazing. Seeing all these lawyers and others jump in to help is inspiring. It’s hard to imagine that this goodwill will be anything other than extremely positive for him. I can’t see the willingness to be open coming back to bite him or his family—ever.

The Open Lawyer definitely has a long road to recovery, but he’s not going to do it alone. His community is present for him. He’s being supported, lifted, carried, and helped along the way. You always wonder who’ll show up for you. This guy found out and the answer is—everybody.

Two heart attacks…two lawyers…two very different approaches. Neither approach is wrong. Neither approach hurts or negatively affects others. You’re the one who feels the impact of your choice. Both approaches are worth observing, contemplating, and factoring into your thoughts about how you might handle such a situation in your life.

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