You’ve got to fire the asshole.

It’s essential.

But it’s overwhelmingly difficult, because:

• The asshole is your most productive employee.
• Everyone hates the asshole, but you get along with the asshole pretty well.
• The asshole is the only person who gets it the way you get it. The asshole sees what you see. The asshole understands what you understand.
• The asshole shows up early and stays late.
• The asshole gets things done no matter what it takes.
• The asshole is making you money—lots of money.
• The asshole is the one you worry about setting loose to trash you in the legal community. The asshole knows people.

We’ve got a million good reasons for not firing the asshole. I could go on and on. You could too.

But you’ve got to fire the asshole.

Why the Asshole Has to Go

The asshole is setting the tone for your law firm. The asshole is the other person (aside from you) who’s establishing the culture of the firm. The firm is you and your people, and the asshole is your person. You’re building systems, processes, and culture to accommodate the asshole. The asshole IS the law firm.

“But,” you respond, “if I fire all the assholes, then I’ll be by myself, and I might have to fire me too.” I get it. Law firms have a disproportionate number of assholes.

But—and this is important—you’ve got to separate the external assholes from the internal assholes. (This is sort of like a medical school I’m running here, right? Just call me “Dr. Rosen”). You’ve got to dig in and distinguish the external asshole from the internal assholes.

Let’s define both terms:

External Asshole

The external asshole is an asshole to everyone outside of the law firm. Some would argue that the job requires being an asshole to some of those people outside the firm. The external asshole says nasty things in depositions. The external asshole delivers the snide sotto voce comment to opposing counsel during the opening statement and ignores the young lawyer in the courtroom. That’s certainly an approach we’ve all encountered.

Internal Asshole

The internal asshole is an asshole to those inside the firm. This kind of asshole is mean to co-workers, vendors, and delivery people. That’s not necessary. Screaming, demeaning, and throwing things are optional. It’s possible to get a subpoena delivered without throwing a stapler at the courier (although, I’d argue that they move faster when the stapler is in flight).

It’s the internal assholes who make the law firm miserable. They’re the people who make people cry and then quit. The internal assholes create incredible tension for their colleagues.

The internal assholes have got to go.

How to Manage the Fallout

But—and I totally understand where you’re coming from—what about all the fallout mentioned above? What about the money, the legal community, and all that?

Yeah, I know. Been there, done that, and hesitated, for years, to fire the asshole. I totally understand the pressure.

You can try what I tried. Try to isolate the asshole. Try turning the asshole into a contractor. Try letting the asshole work remotely. Try putting some space between the asshole and the rest of the team.

Will it work? No. It’ll just delay the inevitable. But if you keep trying to fix things (which won’t work) and you wait long enough, the asshole might quit. Of course, that isn’t likely, because nothing is ever that easy. Odds are, the asshole will hang on forever.

I get it. You don’t want to fire the asshole. I don’t want to fire the asshole. You know it needs to happen, and so do I. Knowing it’s essential doesn’t make it easier. Knowing it needs to happen doesn’t get you to do it today. It’s a painful, difficult, and challenging situation.

But—and we all get this in our gut—the asshole has got to go.

I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I’ve fired the asshole. It’s not as bad as you fear. Life goes on. Life gets better. When you look back on it, you’ll wonder why you delayed and why you agonized for so long. You’ll be much happier when it’s behind you.

There’s no good time to fire the asshole. The time is now.

Fire the asshole.

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