I was never very effective at initial consultations. I failed more times than I succeeded.

Prospective clients called the office to set an appointment. Our intake people got them on the calendar and gave them directions.

They arrived at the appointed time, all nervous about getting started with the end of their marriage. They’d come in scared much of the time, but they’d be quietly determined to get help to move forward. They were often on a mission.

I’d sit in front of them. I’m the guy who knows how to do what they need done. They’d tell me their story. I’d listen. They’d talk some more, and I’d set out a quick plan for how we’d proceed. I’d mention the fee, the process, and explain the next steps.

They’d get up, walk out, and never return.

I blew it. I did it a thousand times. I blew it over and over and over and over.

I thought it would get easier as I did it more. I was wrong. It never gets easy when they reject you. In fact, it’s the opposite that happens.

Why Success Is a Numbers Game

When you’re losing, it gets tougher and tougher to walk back into the room. It gets harder and harder to say nice things, be empathetic, and listen like you care when they leave time after time without hiring you. It’s difficult. Your days become a depressing grind. It wears you down.

But—and this may sound crazy to you—I led our office in turning prospects into clients. I led our office in revenue. I led our office in all things related to sales. Sure, there were months when someone would come close to me—once in a great while someone would beat me—but mostly I was at the top of the heap.

I was losing most of the time, and yet I was still winning. What?

Yep, selling stuff is a process that involves hearing “no” more than it involves hearing “yes.” The winners all lose more than they win. They have to be willing to stay in the game even when facing constant defeat.

And that’s not easy. It takes resilience. It takes a willingness to hear a “no” as part of the process for wrapping up this meeting and getting to the next meeting where the answer will be “yes.”

Your Mind-Set Is the Key

You’ve got to bounce back. You’ve got to find a way to hear the rejection as progress. It’s a mind game you’ve got to play if you’re going to keep yourself fresh, energized, and compassionate. It’s a mind-set you’ve got to adopt if you’re going to be able to show up tomorrow and keep showing up day after day and month after month.

The wins and losses won’t be predictable. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’ve lost it. Sometimes it’ll feel like you’ll never get it back.

Sadly, you can’t count on the wins to alternate with the losses. The losses come in streaks. You’ll go through weeks where you hear nothing but “no.” That’s tough, and it’s hard to get excited when, suddenly, you get a handful of new clients in a row after you’ve been beaten down by the defeat. But it’s that handful of new clients that we’re working to obtain. That’s the prize. It’s just hard sometimes to see the prize amid all the defeat, the rejection, and the loss.

Knowing that we all feel it, understanding that you’re not alone, and being aware that others feel the rejection too and knowing that it’s painful helps us sustain our resilience. Knowing that others are going through it makes it more tolerable. Knowing that losing is a big part of winning keeps us going.

I’m here with you. I feel it. I understand it. I know how awful it can be when you learn that they hired someone else. I get it.

But it’s only the folks who are willing to lose who get to win. Keep it up.