The client is upset. Upset is normal in our line of work. Things happen, and they trigger reactions. The reactions are often out of proportion and irrational. That’s the deal with our clients. I’ve argued before that you should be thrilled to hear from an upset client.

Sometimes clients get upset with you. It’s unfortunate that you get blamed for whatever it is that’s bothering them, but it’s going to happen sometimes—it’s inevitable. It’s normal for us.

Suddenly, one of your clients is irate. It’s all your fault. You did something wrong, or you didn’t do something and that’s wrong. Everything that’s wrong with the client’s life is suddenly your fault.

What do you do?

What many of us do, especially if we’re tired or cranky, is to become defensive. We explain why we did or didn’t do the right thing. We explain how we’ve bent over backwards for the client. We explain why we’re right and the client is wrong.

Good idea? Sure, if you want to win. Bad idea if you want a happy client who obtains good results. Bad idea if you want referrals from the client down the road. Bad idea if you want to protect your reputation in your community. Bottom line—bad idea!

Getting defensive is natural. We know we did the right thing. We know we’ve got our client’s best interest at heart. We know the client is well served by our decision, and suddenly we’re being accused of doing something that harmed the client. It instantly pushes all of our buttons. It offends our sense of justice. It’s an outrage for our client to attack us when we’re doing so much work to do the right thing for the client.

Getting defensive, however, doesn’t work. We know it doesn’t work when we’re calm and away from the battle. But in the heat of the moment, the defensiveness takes over. We lose our objectivity, we get upset, and we’re ready to attack. Resist, resist, resist. You don’t want to let your defensiveness take over. Pack it up and put it away.

What should you have done? You should have been quiet. Think about your dinner plans or your next vacation if you need a diversion, but be quiet and listen. Take it all in. Let the client run out of gas. Let the client get it all out. Don’t get involved in an argument. Don’t debate the client’s points—not yet, anyway.

Generally, it’s a good idea to defer further conversation about the issue until a later date. Try not to resolve things in the moment. See if you can schedule a time to talk about it later. Sometimes you’ll get an apology for the upset before the second meeting. Put some space in the process and give it time.

When you talk again, you should avoid making excuses. Explain the situation and suggest a path to getting where your client wants to go. You might need to talk at length about whether the client wants what the client thinks he or she wants. Again, don’t get defensive—it never serves your long-term interests.

Now that things have calmed down some, and now that you’re able to step away from your defensive reaction, you’ll engage in a productive conversation that takes the client’s case to the next level. Now you’ll be on your way to having a happy client who gets the results he or she deserves.