Lots of commentators have advised you on the clients to avoid. They come in various shapes and sizes.

There’s the one who has had three lawyers before you. Trouble.

There’s the one who has unrealistic expectations. Trouble.

There’s the one who wants nothing but revenge. Trouble.

There’s the one who says “money’s no object.” Trouble.

There’s the one who comes in under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Trouble.

There’s the one who comes in with a relative who does all the talking. Trouble.

There’s the one who is happy to pay you for something that won’t really help him or her. Trouble.

I’d rather have one of each of those types of clients than the one I consider the most dangerous. I’d do anything to avoid the type of client I’m about to describe. They scare me to death.

I’ve concluded that unfortunately, we can’t avoid this most dangerous client. We’re stuck with them, and all we can do is raise our awareness of the havoc they raise and prepare ourselves to mitigate the damage.

So, who is the most dangerous client?

The most dangerous client, in family law anyway, is the one you like and relate to. The one who seems like you. The one who has similar values, education, and experience. The one who talks like you, has family like yours, and feels like a perfect fit for your life. These are the people you’d like to be friends with after the case is over. These people are dangerous. They are the worst.

Here’s what happens.

You’re doing the work. Things are going well. You’re talking to the client more than usual because you enjoy this client. This case is fun, and you’re happy to work on the file.

Then something happens. You missed it. You didn’t even notice.

Suddenly the client is angry. The anger is directed at you. Normally, your instinct is to stay calm and figure things out before reacting.

This time, however, it’s different. Since you so closely relate to the client, you assume that you must have done something wrong if the client is angry at you. After all, you’re very much alike, and you have so much in common. How could the client be wrong? The client is blaming you. It’s all you, you, you, and it’s all your fault. It makes you question yourself.

Of course it’s not your fault (not usually). For a moment, you just got sucked into the upset because it’s hard to separate yourself from clients who are so much like you. They’re tricky. They’re different from other clients that seem more like, well, clients. These especially difficult clients seem more like friends.

These most dangerous clients are, in fact, clients, not friends. They’re subject to all the same responses and reactions your other clients experience. They aren’t immune to occasional bouts of crazy.

They’re just people, and all people, all clients, have their moments during this difficult process. They get upset, they blame others, and they say things they later apologize for saying.

It’s important that when we find ourselves connecting with one of our clients, we keep reminding ourselves that the crazy moments will come. They always come. It’s the nature of our game.

If you remind yourself that it’s them, it’s not you, then you can manage the most dangerous client. If you can employ your usual strategies and coping mechanisms with this client, you’ll be fine. If, however, you get sucked in, you’ll end up regretting your actions when you reflect on the situation. Just remember: all clients are clients, even those special clients you really like.

[ While I have you here, I wanted to remind you that you can get the latest articles delivered to your inbox a week before they go up on the web. Just one email per week. Sign up here. ]