Think back to the last time you took a prospective referral source to lunch. Maybe it was a lawyer in another practice area?

You had a nice lunch. You let your guest select the place, and you paid the bill.

Let the memory of the lunch flow back into your brain and answer these five questions:

1. Does your lunch companion have children? If so, how old are they, and where do they go to school?

2. Does your lunch companion have a spouse? If so, does the spouse work, and if so, where?

3. What’s your lunch companion’s favorite nonwork activity/hobby?

4. Where is your lunch companion going on his or her next vacation?

5. Are the parents of your lunch companion still alive? If so, where do they live, and what do they/did they do for a living?

If you can answer three of these questions, then you get an A on this test. Fewer than three, and you get an F. I don’t fool around with B’s, C’s and D’s. I see life as pass/fail.

If you can’t answer these questions, then I’m guessing you spent way too much time talking and way too little time asking questions and LISTENING.

Remember, the more you listen, the more others like you.

Your goal is to move your referral sources from “know you” to “like you” to “trust you.” We refer to people we trust. You’ve got to listen if they’re going to like you.

Listening doesn’t mean not talking. Listening means listening. If you don’t know the answers to the questions, then you weren’t listening. You were probably thinking about what to say next.

Listen.