Some clients just crush my spirit.

Once in a while, I come across a client who reminds me of myself.

The Man in the Mirror

He’s usually a business owner with a couple of kids. He’s incredibly smart (just kidding), has been married around 20 years, and understands the process almost intuitively.

We get the ball rolling and end up in a mediation spending hour after hour chatting while we wait for the opposing party to come up with a response.

We end up talking about business, kid stuff, and vacations. The conversation is pretty effortless, and things are rolling along all day. We really connect, and I truly enjoy the conversation.

Unfortunately, after hours and hours, we reach impasse. We’re going to have to move the case forward and see what happens.

Weeks turn into months. We have pleasant phone calls as things get ready for the hearing. Progress is being made, but the case still hasn’t settled.

Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’

One day, out of the blue, the client calls. He’s upset. He’s irate.

He’s very angry, and it’s all directed at me. He’s screaming at me, blaming me for everything, and telling me that hiring me was a big mistake.

I like this guy so much that I assume he’s right. If he’s saying I dropped the ball, then I must have dropped the ball.

I have no reason not to trust him. He always made sense before. After all, he reminds me of me.

Boom! I’m crushed. Ouch. This feels terrible.

And then I remember: This has happened before. I’ve been through this in the past. I remember how it went down last time and the time before.

After a few days, he calms down. He apologizes. He’s back to normal.

I realize that it’s not me. I haven’t done anything wrong. I haven’t dropped the ball. Hiring me was not a mistake.

He was just doing what people do in the midst of crisis. He reached his emotional limit, and for whatever reason, it came out in my direction.

It’s over. I wasn’t the problem, and I’m relieved.

It’s Human Nature

Not all clients present this challenge. We don’t relate to each client in a personal way.

It’s easy when a client you don’t relate to loses it and aims his or her upset at you. With those people, it’s easy to separate yourself from them emotionally. They get upset, and you talk them off the ledge. They rant about you, and you never question your competence or commitment. Those are the upset situations you came prepared to manage.

It’s these special people—you’ll figure out who they are for you as you go along—who push your buttons and make you question yourself. When you feel it happening, it’s time to remind yourself that all clients get upset. It doesn’t matter how much you like them, how much you relate to them, or how sympathetic you are to them: they’re going to go through the same emotions that all clients experience, and sometimes it’s going to pop out in an unexpected manner.

You’ll be surprised sometimes by some of your clients. Be ready and remind yourself when it happens that it’s them and it’s not you.