It’s shockingly ironic for me to give you advice on how to make an assistant happy. I’ve burned through some assistants—big time. I’ve left more than a few of these relationships as smoldering piles of scorched earth. I have not always been good to the people who work for me.

Irony aside, I’ve learned a few things from my misbehavior.

One lesson I’ve learned is to work with a virtual assistant instead of a live person working in the same office space with me. My assistant is in Israel, and we communicate mostly via e-mail. That works for her, and we get along pretty well. You, on the other hand, can probably handle an assistant working on the same continent.

The Path to Assistant Nirvana

Here are 13 easy ways to make your assistant happy:

1. Let your assistant pick a job title. Some folks want to be called administrative assistant, some like secretary, and some like paralegal or legal assistant. Who cares what the title is as long as he or she helps you stay productive? Let your assistant decide what to be called. It costs you nothing, and it makes your assistant happy.

2. Provide a business card. Have a business card made for your assistant. Everyone likes having a card, and they’re inexpensive. Don’t make your assistant feel like a second-class citizen when everyone else has a card and your assistant doesn’t.

3. Communicate daily. Set a time for a daily check in and communicate about what you’re trying to accomplish that day. I’d suggest that you check in first thing in the morning and do it by phone if you’re going to be away from the office. Get a routine going and stick to it.

4. Communicate weekly. Have a weekly meeting with your assistant for between 30 and 60 minutes. Create a format and use it consistently. Attempt to hold the meeting at the same time each week. Use the meeting to discuss larger issues with a focus on your assistant’s long-term goals and how the current work fits into those goals. Gain familiarity with your assistant’s larger objectives and use these meetings to advance the cause. Ask about issues outside of work and be willing to listen to problems and concerns arising in the workplace or at home.

5. Provide clear instructions on how to communicate with you. Set out the rules for how to reach you when issues arise. Don’t allow your assistant to feel awkward about interrupting you or calling you at odd times. Be very specific about what’s okay and what isn’t. The president has rules for when it’s okay to wake him up with an emergency. You should have similar rules for you and your assistant. It prevents discomfort and makes everyone feel more at ease.

6. Prioritize your assistant’s communications. When your assistant e-mails, texts, or calls, make it your top priority. The free flow of information between you is critical to an effective relationship, and it makes your assistant feel respected and valued when you respond immediately.

7. Be polite and courteous. This should go without saying, but it needs to be said. Say “good morning” and “good night.” Make eye contact. Introduce your assistant to visitors and guests. Treat your assistant the way you would want to be treated. Be respectful. Why do I have to point this out? You know why.

8. Be aware of family issues. Know your assistant’s family situation and ask about it. Kid is sick: “How’s Billy feeling?” Husband is out of work: “How’s Bob’s job hunt coming?” Know enough about what’s going on that you can check in and express concern.

9. Don’t wait for the ask. Go ahead and offer an increase in salary before your assistant asks for it. Get ahead of the curve and do what you were going to do anyway, but do it before your assistant feels forced to take action.

10. Buy a gift. You should know enough about your assistant to know what he or she likes as a gift. She collects porcelain pigs? Buy one for her when you spot one in the gift shop on vacation. Buy the flowers on assistant’s day. Take her to lunch. Bring her a cup of Starbucks. Just do it.

11. Ask for input. You’ve got an argument to make in court tomorrow. You’re outlining the key points. Ask your assistant to talk it through with you and ask for input. You’ll get valuable advice, and you’ll demonstrate your respect for your assistant’s opinion.

12. Provide feedback. Tell your assistant when things go right. Do the same when things go wrong. Your assistant will appreciate the feedback each time. People can only improve if they know what’s working and what’s not. The worst feeling is doing your work and having no idea whether it’s making any difference. Feedback doesn’t need to be formal or elaborate. Just a few words can give your assistant the guidance required to keep heading in the right direction.

13. Be a coach. You’ve been successful and accomplished many of your goals. Don’t hesitate to give your assistant the advice you have to offer that might help your assistant achieve his or her goals. Don’t sit back and watch your assistant fail. Be willing to step up, pitch in, and give the benefit of your experience.

This is more a “do it all” than a “pick and choose” list. You’re probably already doing many of these things. I’d suggest you add the rest—immediately. You’ll make your assistant happy, and you’ll be happier for your effort. Hopefully, you’ll do these things, and you and your assistant can have a long and productive relationship. That’s something I can only imagine, but I still dream.