Our team members are always listening. That’s burdensome, sometimes overwhelming, and often unexpectedly destructive.

Sometimes we say things we haven’t thought through. They’re often trivial things. Maybe we’re joking, or reacting in the moment, or just thinking out loud.

The problem is that our words can carry far more meaning than we intend. We don’t always appreciate the significance of our random mumblings.

Why don’t we understand the power of our words?

Because there’s a good chance that we’re playing a part in a drama that we don’t fully appreciate.

You’re the boss, so your words carry meaning

I remember making soft-serve ice cream cones for customers in North Miami Beach when I was a teenager. I was the kid behind the counter. We had chocolate and vanilla and offered two types of cones. It was a pretty simple job (from which I managed to get fired).

The boss was important in my life.

Looking back on it now, she was probably 19, and I was 15. She was, in my mind, an adult who had it all together. I had no perspective. I didn’t realize she was just another kid.

She was the boss. Her words mattered.

The 19-year-old had power because she played the role of ice cream shop manager during my time in the store.

She was a big deal. I took her seriously. She impacted my thinking, feeling, and behavior. I suspect she had no idea how important she was, in my mind. But, back then, I assumed she knew everything. She was the boss.

Your role amps up your power

You’re the boss of your team. You might have been doing this long enough to realize that you matter. It’s one of those things most of us grow into eventually. It takes a while to fully appreciate that the stupid crap we say all day has an impact. We know we’re just talking, but the folks who work for us think it all matters. We’re the boss.

As soon as we hire the first employee, we start to see the power of our words. It might be a little depressing before we get the hang of it, because our amped-up power mostly just causes us to break things.

We say something casually and it makes an employee cry.

We say another thing and an employee repeats it, upsetting someone else.

We say something else and an employee quits.

At some point, it clicks. We aren’t friends; we aren’t peers. We’re the boss, and every utterance is considered, analyzed, and results in a reaction.

It didn’t sink in quickly for me

It took me a while to appreciate that people took my words seriously. I didn’t take my words seriously, so why would anyone else? I was struggling to make payroll. I was anxious about my cases. I was just trying to get through the day. Much of what came out of my mouth was rooted in panic.

My first employee had no idea that I was freaking out. She thought I knew what I was doing. Had she known the truth, she never would have accepted when I offered her a job.

I knew I didn’t know what I was doing when I hired my first employee. Elizabeth was her name.

But she thought I knew stuff, because I was the boss. We weren’t on the same page concerning my significance. She thought my words mattered. In her world, I mattered. In my world, I was a fly on the wall in a big legal system universe. I knew I didn’t matter. I thought I could say anything I wanted, as if Elizabeth was a buddy from law school. I was wrong.

It’s rooted in this

The guys over at Manager Tools (who offer a great podcast and courses on management) tell us to imagine a sign on our heads.

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That sign says “I can fire you.” It’s visible from anywhere. The letters are a big red neon sign that flashes all day, every day, and everyone around you sees it, all of the time.

We’re the boss. The sign is always turned on. There is never a moment when we get to relate to our team as peers. We’re always the boss so our words never stop carrying way more meaning than we might realize or even intend.

The sign on your head makes everything you say and do in your office have an impact that it wouldn’t ordinarily have. Usually, the sign results in employees worrying about their job security. The sign isn’t helpful. It makes it hard to say things without lots of stuff being read into your words.

The first time I heard the Manager Tools guys mention the sign, I disagreed with them. I felt like I was the nicest guy in the world and that no one ever felt threatened by me.

But the more I thought about it, and the more I talked about it with people, I came to realize that I had the sign on my head. I didn’t just have a simple, hand-printed, black-and-white sign. I had a full-color, giant, glowing, neon sign.

I eventually realized that the flippant, sarcastic, funny remarks I made all day were a liability instead of an asset. They made my sign flash brighter. I scared my team, and made everyone feel like we were always on the brink of imploding.

That sign on your head is a nightmare

Having a sign on your head gets exhausting. You have to think all of the time. You have to weigh your words, consider others, and know that your words mean more than you might normally expect.

To tell you the truth, I don’t like it. But it’s there. As long as I’m a boss, then it’s going to be there on my head. It’s not going away. It’s not my fault that I’ve got a sign, and it’s not your fault either. It’s just there on my head, and it’s on yours too. It’s part of being the boss, and you can’t make it go away unless you quit.

The only thing you can do is accept the sign and recognize that you can’t behave badly. You can’t slip up. You can’t make a casual comment and fail to anticipate that it’ll make waves.

It’s really, really hard for me to accept my sign. I say stupid things all the time. I talk off the top of my head. I make jokes I shouldn’t make. All of which results in me making a mess of things. That’s true even today, long after I’ve come to accept the sign on my head. Every stupid thing I say costs us as a business.

I hope you’re managing your sign better than I am. Perhaps I should put a little sticky note on my laptop to remind me of the sign on my head. Hopefully,  I can do a bit better with it than I have in the past.

Your power can be useful

While your words can be damaging and destructive if used without careful consideration, they can also be used for good.

Your powerful words can build people up, give them confidence, inspire and motivate them, and give them the boost they need to get important things done.

I’m always a bit hesitant to compliment others. I figure they’d rather get a compliment from someone who knows things. “Nice tie,” I’d like to say. But, if they take one look at my clothing, they’ll quickly consider the source of that compliment and realize it’s meaningless.

But when the boss says it, even a boss who is wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers, the compliment is fully loaded. The boss matters, so a compliment from the boss matters too.

You can do more than compliment ties.

You can use your power for good:

• You can help those who are hesitant begin to feel bold
• You can help those who don’t yet believe in themselves to feel more confident
• You can help those who are afraid to be less afraid
• You can help those who feel like imposters to know they’re great
• You can help those who don’t yet see their potential begin to recognize their abilities

Your words mean more than you know. They’re powerful–they have an impact. You’re the boss. You’ve got the sign on your head, and it gives you the ability to make the world a better place for everyone you touch. You can do way more than compliment a tie.

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You’re always on

Being a leader means you’re always being watched. Your words matter. You’ve got to own that reality.

It’s a 24/7/365 thing. Leadership weighs heavily. Everything that makes its way from your brain to your mouth counts.

You’re going to spend your days doing one of two things. One keeps you stuck in place, but the other propels you forward.

Knowing you’re always on means you’re either fixing the damage you did earlier, or building a brighter, more successful future.

Many of us spend our days repairing the damage we did yesterday and the day before. We find ourselves apologizing, clarifying and rebuilding. We’re stuck sitting in discussions during which we try to explain ourselves and get people back on track. We’re always fighting fires within our teams.

Others aren’t putting out fires because they decided not to start the fire in the first place. They watched their words.

These folks are spending their days using their words to advance their cause. They’re building the business, growing the team, and creating a positive culture. Their team doesn’t feel threatened by the sign on the boss’s head. They’re getting the benefit of the power associated with that sign because the boss is dispensing the right words in the right way. The power is being channeled into positivity. The boss knows the words matter and is using them deliberately.

They’re always listening

The sooner you accept that your words matter, the better off you’ll be. You’re going to have a big impact, so you might as well start using it for the benefit of everyone involved. Your words will be either a plus or a minus. Start making them all a plus.

The people around us are always listening. For many of us it truly is burdensome, sometimes overwhelming, and oftentimes exhausting. But, as they say, ‘it is what it is,’ so accept it. It’s not going to change.

Use your words to advance your cause, to make things better, to get results for yourself, your team, and your clients.

Your words matter because they’re always listening. Remember it.