Once you’ve got a contact willing to meet you, you need to figure out what to do and where and when to meet.

Lunch is almost always the best option. Everyone needs lunch, and most people are used to taking a few minutes away from the office to eat. Lunch is the typical networking activity, and you’re not going to upset or surprise anyone with an invite to lunch. Of course, coffee or a drop-in meeting will work as well.

It’s best to leave the specifics to your contacts rather than imposing your selection on them. Ask where they’d like to meet. Throw out several options, but make it clear that you’re flexible. Be sure to mention some dates several weeks out: it’s always easier to secure a commitment further in the future.

There Is Such a Thing as a Free Lunch (for Them)

Give the reins to your contact. Where will you meet for that first introductory lunch? That’s up to your referral sources. Ask where they’d like to go. Don’t make the decision yourself. Ask what’s best for them and let them choose. Go where they want to go. Depending on where you’re each coming from, it might make sense for you to swing by and pick up your contact. In other situations, it makes sense to meet at the restaurant. Let your guests make the decisions on time, place, and travel arrangements. Just go with the flow.

But be ready to offer suggestions. You’ll sometimes be surprised at how little your contacts know about the area. Be prepared with some ideas if they don’t have any specific suggestions. It’s good to do a quick restaurant search on Google Maps and see what’s convenient for your contact. Chain restaurants, while awfully boring, are usually good spots for lunch. Aim for something that doesn’t involve standing in line for the first meeting. Ideally, you’ll go somewhere that offers a quiet table with some semblance of calm along with decent food.

Don’t show off. In making suggestions, don’t go overboard. There was a time when I would often suggest a private club I’d joined specifically for impressing people at lunch. I paid monthly dues for the privilege of eating at a “city club.” Don’t bother with that approach. By and large, these clubs are more trouble than they’re worth for these lunch dates. You’re better off in a convenient restaurant that isn’t such a production.

Stay flexible. Sometimes you’ll run into issues with lunch. Don’t be overly wedded to any particular plan. Be creative. I’ve taken sandwiches to a guy who refused to take a break away from the office, and he proved to be a reliable referral source for many years. Those Subway sandwiches worked out pretty well for me.

Ante up. Who pays for lunch? You do. I’m still bitter about the big firm partner who invited me to lunch and who told me we were going “Dutch treat” and that he’d buy me lunch “after I gave him a reason to buy lunch.” When you pay the check, be sure to leave a decent tip. You don’t want to look like a jerk if your guest sees the check.

Take a Coffee Break

My second favorite meeting idea is coffee. Starbucks sure makes it easy to find a meeting place, and you can do coffee in half the time of lunch and for one quarter of the cost. It’s tough to schedule more than one lunch in a day, but it’s easy to set up three or four coffee meetings if you’re early in your practice and have more time than clients. Coffee is probably just as effective as lunch and much more efficient.

Hold a (Short) Meeting of the Minds

Offer to come by the office for a quick introduction. Explain that you’d really like to stop by and introduce yourself. Promise to be in and out in 10 minutes. I’ve never had anyone turn down that offer. Be sure you show up on time, and be ready to show yourself out at the end of the 10 minutes. Don’t overstay your welcome. If you really hit it off, then a lunch will happen soon thereafter as you engage in some follow-up. You can really spoil the relationship by acting inconsistently with your promise.

Your Next Steps

At some point, the relationship may progress to a deeper level. It’s not essential that you move the relationship forward. Many networking relationships are all business, and you’ll never take it beyond quarterly lunches and business discussions.

I think, however, that you’ll derive the most satisfaction from the relationships that go deeper. The first step in that process is self-disclosure. You’ll find yourself talking about your work or personal relationships. You’ll find yourself telling a story and looking for feedback and advice. You’ll realize that you’re treating your contact more like a friend than a business acquaintance. That’s a good thing.