She asked, “Can we talk?”

“Sure, I said.”

She came in, closed the door, and sat down across from me.

She had me at “Can we talk?” I already knew. I already had the sinking, queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Of course, had I read “13 Signs a Lawyer Is About to Quit,” I’d have seen it coming.

“Oh, crap,” I thought as I listened to her.

What Happened When I Quit

I know both sides of this story. In 1989, I quit my job, and the firm talked me into staying. I’d been with the firm for two and a half years. I was ready to go.

I interviewed for other jobs and got an offer. I accepted. I started sneaking my personal stuff out of the office as I got ready to give my notice.

Then I did the “Can we talk?” thing and explained that I was leaving.

That’s when the full court press started. They gave me the hard sell. They increased my continuing education budget. They increased my pay. They showed me the love. I brought my stuff back to the office.

Then, six months later, I quit again. I can’t fully explain what went on in my head, but I was gone mentally when I gave notice the first time.

I’m not unusual. When we’re ready to go, we’re gone. Talking us into staying is a short-term solution to your problem. It doesn’t change the employee at all.

How to Handle a Departing Employee

Now, let’s get back to the young woman sitting across from me in my office telling me when she’s leaving.

“Why is she quitting?” I asked myself. But that’s a pointless question. It’s time to take action. Her loss will result in turmoil for me.

I listened, but while she talked, I moved on mentally to how I’d manage her absence. I started thinking about the duties we’d shift around and the ad we’d run. I was moving ahead in my brain while she explained that “she really liked working here” and blah, blah, blah.

My instinct was to talk her out of it. I wanted to avoid the pain of dealing with her loss. I wanted to figure out what need she has that wasn’t being met and determine how I could meet it and keep her. I wanted to help her see the light so she’d realize that she’s already in the perfect place and that she should stay.

But that’s a mistake.

I already know how to respond. I need to step away from my emotional reaction. I need to let her go.

I need to resist the urge to talk and to convince her to stay. I need to keep my mouth shut. I need to bite my lip until it nearly bleeds. It’s not smart to keep her. I need to let her go. She’s already gone.

It’s so incredibly counterintuitive to not act. My entire body wants to do something to stop what’s happening right before my eyes, but it’s best to let it happen. It’s best to smile, to wish her well, and to let her go.