She walked into my office and asked whether she could close the door. “We need to talk,” she said. She proceeded to quit her job. I didn’t ask many questions. Long ago, I learned the hard way that trying to talk her out of quitting would be a mistake. I kept it on the high road, worked out a plan for her final days, and wished her well.
Why did she quit?
Here’s what we tell ourselves:
- She quit because she was offered more money.
- She quit because she would have better long-term prospects in the new job.
- She quit because she wouldn’t have to drive so far.
- She quit because she would get benefits.
The Real Reasons Your Employees Leave
What’s the truth?
She quit because of me. I was her boss. I was her manager. Employees don’t quit their jobs; they quit their boss. She quit because of me.
What did I do wrong? It’s hard to pinpoint why I lost her, but I’d bet it was one or more of the following:
- I was disrespectful.
- I was unclear in my expectations.
- I failed to recognize her contributions.
- I failed to help her learn and grow in her role.
- I didn’t listen to her and respect her opinion.
- I didn’t care about her enough and didn’t communicate it when I did care.
I’m worn out just thinking about all the things I did wrong, and I’m just getting warmed up with my list. I could probably come up with 10 more ways in which I blew it. She would have stayed forever if I had treated her differently.
She left my practice too many years ago for me to count. She wasn’t the first one to leave and she won’t be the last, but things are different now than they used to be. She’d be less likely to leave if she came back now.
The Difference That Can Help You Keep Your People
What’s different? The primary difference is that I stopped blaming the other factors. I stopped thinking it was the money, the driving distance, the prospects for advancement, etc. I recognized that when we worked together, when she got engaged with the purpose of the business and became passionate about what we’re trying to accomplish, that all of her other concerns would be minimized. I figured out that she wanted to be treated better than I was treating her and that I could change her energy for the job by being better at being a boss.
She’d be more likely to stay now because I got focused on what I could do differently and how we could work together. I became more respectful and got clear in my expectations. I started recognizing contributions and helping others learn and grow. I started listening to others’ opinions and caring about our people in ways I never did before. I stopped blaming her and started blaming me.
I do a better job now than I did in the past. She might still leave, but she’d stay longer and she’d feel better about her work. If she decided to leave, she’d have some regrets. She’d know she’d be missed, and I’d know we still have room to do a better job for our people.
