Did your grandmother ever say “They don’t care what you know until they know that you care”? I’m not sure that mine ever said that. The grandmother I spent the most time with was pretty busy playing bridge, smoking and trying to get me to eat carrots (because they were good for my eyes). But, maybe your grandmother said stuff like that.

I hope she said it to you, because it’s true. You’ve got to build credibility with a client before they’ll listen to you. Knowing that you care is really code for “credibility.” Client’s don’t automatically accept what we say simply because we’re the lawyer and they aren’t. In fact, for some clients, our authoritative role merely makes us seem less trustworthy and more arrogant.

So, you’ve got to show that you care if you’re going to be successful at convincing your client to take your advice. You’ve got to let them know you’re on their side. You’ve got to show that you understand where they’re coming from and how they feel.

Here are three steps for showing them that you care –

First, listen to what they’re saying and acknowledge it. You don’t have to agree with them, but you’ve got to let them know you heard it. For instance, she says “I’m really bothered that judges give fathers custody sometimes.” You respond by saying “You really don’t like that judges give custody to the father sometimes. You don’t agree with that.” This is acknowledgment of the thing she believes.

Second, pay attention to what they’re saying. You put away the cell phone, you turn away from the computer and you focus solely on the client. The client is the only thing that matters in a meeting with the client.

Third, affirm what your client says. The client says “I’m scared that he’s going to get the children and leave and I’ll never find him and I’ll never see the children again.” You affirm it by saying “It sounds like your very frightened that you’ll lose your children. That scares you to death.” This is affirmation of the feelings they are having.

Notice, and this is important, that you’re not required to agree with the client. You need to listen with your full attention, acknowledge what is being said and affirm their feelings.

Work your way through these three steps as often as possible. Do it in every conversation. Each time you acknowledge, pay attention and affirm you’re building your credibility. Each time, you’re increasing the likelihood that your client will care what you have to say because they’ll know that you care. If you really want to help your client, and I know you do, then you’ve got to work on building your credibility with them at every opportunity so they’ll listen to you and follow your advice.

Shockingly your grandmother was on the right track. Follow her advice and your client will take your advice, do what you suggest and accomplish the goals they set out to accomplish.