Last week, I wrote an article about how to get “her” to hire you.

Several attorneys wrote to me and agreed with my suggestions. Interestingly, each of them said they were going to employ my ideas with respect to the women they meet in their practices. They wondered, however, what approach they should take with the men.

It never occurred to me that anyone would see my article as being about women only. I used “her” rather them “him” simply because it was easier for me to write on the topic by selecting a gender. I’m sorry if I gave the impression that my approach was gender-specific. That wasn’t my intention.

The Gender-Neutral Approach

The approach I advocated was one of being more present with the client. It was about really paying attention and connecting. It was about being human, thinking and acting less, and connecting more.

I’m confident that my approach works equally well with women and men. It’s not about gender. It’s not about the way women think, act, or feel differently than men. The approach I’m advocating is about you, not about the client:

• It’s about you deciding that it’s not about technique.
• It’s about you deciding that it’s about how you choose to be present.
• It’s about you being willing to commit to the client with the core of your being rather than counting on some tactic to make the client do what you want him or her to do.

Mars v. Venus?

I think we sometimes treat men differently than women. We sometimes think their emotions are different. We sometimes move to the math, the money, and the strategy when they aren’t ready. Sometimes we’re more willing to give female clients the time, attention, and space to process their emotional reaction to what’s happening. We shortcut the process for men and cut to the chase, closing off the opportunity for them to access and share the emotional part of the experience.

It’s a mistake to think of male clients differently than we think of female clients. All of these clients, men and women alike, are going through a difficult experience. They all require time to process what’s happening. They all require support and connection. They all need someone to understand what they’re experiencing and be willing to join them in going through the agony of what brought them to you.

Don’t let outward appearances, your own bias, or social norms change your approach to dealing with clients. These people are universally in pain and are open to your willingness to step into that pain with them and share the experience. They need us to be there with them and for them and to be open to allowing them to express what they need to express. Certainly, we’re not trained to provide therapy or mental health counseling. However, we are the people they’ve picked to join them on this journey, and this is our chance to be present with them as we travel down this path together.