He came in and met with you. The initial consultation went well. He needed to get his ducks in a row before moving forward. He agreed to check in with you in ten days so you could touch base. Ten days passed, but he didn’t call. You called him.

He said, “I went with someone else.” You’re hurt, but more significantly, you’re baffled. You quoted a reasonable fee, you felt like you had built a rapport, and you know you had the experience and knowledge to do a good job for him.

What happened?

Was it something you said? Was it something the other lawyer said better? Was it your office? Was it your staff? Was it something a friend told him? Was it something else?

It’s important for you to find out so you can improve. You need feedback so you can make changes. It won’t do you any good to guess at his reasoning.

What should you do?

The next time it happens—and there will always be a next time—be prepared to have a conversation.

Tell him you’re sorry to hear that he went in a different direction. Tell him you understand that selecting an attorney is a very important and personal decision and that you respect his choice. Tell him that you’re always trying to learn, grow, and improve, and that it’s helpful for you to learn from every client who selects you as well as clients who go elsewhere. Ask him for his thoughts on how he made the decision and what was important to him.

Ask, pause, and listen. Don’t speculate. Don’t give him a multiple-choice question. Ask an open-ended question and see what he has to say. Listen, listen, and then listen some more. Take notes so you can process it later. Take no offense, don’t be defensive, and don’t sell, explain, or correct: just listen.

Once you’ve heard what he has to say, explain that you’re sure he’s doing the right thing for his situation and that you wish him the best. Tell him you’re always available should the need arise, then thank him for coming to see you in the first place. Be grateful for the feedback.

You’ll learn something from these conversations. You won’t always like what you hear. Some of what you hear won’t make sense. For prospective clients, reality is what they perceive when it comes to selecting an attorney. You don’t get to decide what’s real for them—only they can do that. Take it all in and learn. It will help you as you move on to your next initial consultation.