What should be happening in an initial consultation? How can you deliver your highest value? How can you be certain that the client will retain you? What can you do or say to make the biggest impact?

I’d argue that, at least with respect to family law (and probably a lot of other practice areas that I don’t fully understand), the answer comes from a Buddhist monk.

Thich Nhat Hanh nails it when he says:

Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of the other person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: help him or her to empty his heart.

And if you remember that you are helping him or her to suffer less, and then even if he says things full of wrong perceptions, full of bitterness, you are still capable to continue to listen with compassion. Because you know that listening like that, with compassion, you give him or her a chance to suffer less.

If you want to help him or her to correct his perception, then you wait for another time, but for the time being, you just listen with compassion and help him or her to suffer less.

One hour like that can bring transformation and healing.

You can watch a three-minute snippet of the interview with Oprah (whom I think I’ve now watched like three times and been massively impressed by each time). Or, here’s a longer edit of the interview.

That’s an initial consultation (and, oddly, they’re usually an hour). You can deliver incredible value if you’ll listen.

Engage in deep listening. Correct perceptions later. No, you’re not a therapist, but people turn to those who bring transformation and healing. You are fully equipped to listen. The legal issues will wait.

I’ve attempted (poorly) to nudge around the edges of this exact point (here and here and here). However, I haven’t been clear because I didn’t understand it as well as I do now having heard it from Thich Nhat Hanh. He says it as well as it can be said.