You walk out to the lobby to bring the initial consultation back to a meeting room. She’s sitting there with her mother and asks whether it’s okay for her mother to come back with her.

Do you let mom (or dad, or best friend, or even clergy) come back to the consultation?

I’ve talked to lawyers who have a range of different perspectives on this topic. I’ll pass along the way I handle the situation, but there isn’t a right answer. There is a broad range of approaches and opinions on how this should be handled.

Here’s My Approach

First off, I say, “Come on back,” and we all walk toward a conference room. Whatever is going to happen isn’t going to happen in the lobby. We’re going to talk in private about how to proceed. I’ve had crazy things happen in the lobby. I once had a two-sentence conversation in the lobby with a client and had the UPS man jump into the discussion. Now we talk in a private room.

Once I’ve got everyone situated in a conference room, I address the potential client. I explain that there are issues with having a third party present and that I’d like to explain those issues privately before we get started. Once the client agrees, I then relocate the third party to another room or back to the lobby for a few minutes.

The Substance of the Private Talk

Now I’ve got some explaining to do. Here’s what I cover:

1. Helpful. I believe that having a third party present is helpful to clients sometimes. I explain that they may want the assistance of having someone present who can later advise them. I also explain that sometimes the third party can be a hindrance, depending on their relationship.

2. Blame me. I offer clients the opportunity to blame me if they’d prefer that the third party not be present but aren’t comfortable telling the third party directly. Many times, the third party has forced his or her way into the meeting.

3. Privilege. I tell clients about attorney-client privilege. I explain that I can’t be forced to reveal the content of our conversation. I explain that having the conversation in front of a third party will cause them to lose the protection of the privilege and that I could be forced to testify about the things I’d been told.

4. Lying. I explain that, if forced to testify because of the loss of privilege, that I will tell the truth. I explain that the “friend” may already know the truth and may not tell the truth in court. However, I will tell the truth if asked, and they may want to protect themselves by maintaining the privilege by meeting in private.

5. Partially alone. I offer clients the opportunity to tell the story and receive advice with the third party present but with the private part of the story told with only the two of us present. We can send the third party out while we discuss the special parts of the story and then invite the third party back after we’ve covered the issue.

Clients then decide whether to bring the third party back. I’ve had them leave the person in the other room for the whole meeting on some occasions. More often, we’ve used the approach of having the third party present for part of the meeting. Generally, if the third party is going to be invited back, it’s for the portion of the meeting when I’m answering questions and providing a plan of action.

How a Third Party Can Help

I know that some lawyers simply bar third parties from these meetings. I respect that approach. For me, however, having the third party present makes sense. I like knowing there’s someone else listening and processing my advice. I’m hopeful that more of what I suggest will be heard when there are two sets of ears listening. Usually, though not always, the third party is less emotional than the client.

I also know that in many cases, the third party will be paying the fee. That’s especially true if the third party is mom or dad. Having the third party present enables me to talk directly to the financial decision maker and address any concerns. It’s always difficult to have those conversations indirectly through the client, and I’d rather talk directly.

Run Some Experiments

If you’re new to this situation, I’d encourage you to try different approaches to consultations. Try consults with and without the third party. Try different conversations with the client in order to explain. Experiment and see what works for you, the client, and your practice. Don’t simply follow the advice of someone else on this issue. There isn’t a right or wrong answer to this question. You’ll find an approach that works for you.