Your networking relationships will usually be smooth sailing. You’ll get to know these people better and better. You’ll find yourself helping their clients and friends, and your contacts will reciprocate in some form or fashion. The friendship will grow, and you’ll find yourself looking forward to your meetings and conversations. You’ll find some of your relationships moving from handshakes to hugs, from lunches to lots of text messages or quick calls, and from awkward getting-to-know-you conversations to important talks about critical issues.

However, some relationships will have bumpy times. That’s the nature of relationships. Thankfully, relationship challenges typically bring people closer together rather than further apart.

When you get a flat tire, you don’t throw away the car. You fix the tire and continue down the road. You expect some flat tires. Similarly, you should expect some disruptions in your networking. Fix them and keep on going.

I’ve identified a few issues you might face as you get the networking built and functioning. They’re all pretty straightforward, and if you think through the issues now, you’ll be ready when they pop up in your network.

The Free Advice Issue

Your referral source wants free advice. For example, your contact might look at you and blurt out, “My wife left. She wants a divorce. What should I do?” This is going to happen to you: I guarantee it. What are you going to do? How will you answer the question? After all, these are the questions you normally get paid to answer. My advice is to answer the questions. We’re on the lookout for things we can do to help those in our network. This is a perfect opportunity to be helpful. Whether it’s a question my contact needs answered for himself or for “a friend,” I’m answering.

The Representation Issue

What if he wants you to represent him? This is likely to come up in two ways: contacts seeking free or paid legal representation.

What if he’s looking for free counsel in his case? What do you do then? I decline. I won’t do the case for free. I explain that it’s really not best for anyone to have unfettered, free access to this system. I don’t want to throw things out of balance by removing an important restraint on the behavior of one of the parties. I’ve never had anyone push once I decline and give my explanation. It may not be that my reasoning makes sense. It may just be that most people are too polite to push after I’ve said no.

What if he wants to pay me to be his lawyer? This is where it gets really complicated. He’s a good referral source. He’s sending a steady stream of business. If I represent him, there’s the potential for damage to our relationship. It’s sometimes harder to have lunch after we’ve been required to talk about his kinky sexual proclivities. If I don’t represent him, there’s the possibility that he’ll be impressed by his lawyer and start sending his referrals to that lawyer. It’s really tricky, and there’s no easy answer. I’ve tended to agree to take the case if our relationship is strictly business and refuse the representation if we’ve crossed into the friend zone. If our spouses are friendly and our kids are playing together, I tend to bow out. If we’re just doing lunch and the talk isn’t terribly personal, then sometimes I’ll take the case. Unfortunately, there isn’t an easy or correct decision to be made in these situations. This difficult scenario incentivizes you to divorce-proof your network and teach them the lessons you’ve learned about how to stay married.

The Pro Bono Issue

It’s fairly common for us to have referral sources ask us to take a case pro bono. They’ve got a client who can’t afford representation, and they’re sympathetic. They want to find someone for the client, but there really isn’t any money to fund the case. What do you say? I decline to get involved after explaining the process offered by our local legal services group. I tell my referral source how the agency screens the prospective clients and makes sure they’re truly deserving and in need of free legal services. I further explain how the agency matches the client with the right kind of lawyer for the matter. I’m sure to explain that we take cases through the agency, but only after appropriate screening and placement.

The Dating Issue

What about a referral source who wants to date you?

Shockingly (to me, at least), this has never happened to me. I enjoy lunches with men and women, and no one has ever asked me out on a date—even before I was married. I’ve watched several of our female attorneys build their networks, and this usually isn’t an issue for them. However, we did have one lawyer who was asked out all the time. Why? I can’t really say for sure, but it happened to her almost exclusively and rarely happened to the other women. I’m guessing she was doing something different that invited the invitations. I can’t say specifically what she was doing differently than the others, but it was important to her to figure it out and stop interacting in the way that detracted from her pursuit of her objective.

In our society, it’s common for men and women to interact about business and develop referral relationships without it turning into a romantic relationship. Certainly, the issue will come up from time to time, but if it becomes a regular theme in your meetings, then it’s time to reevaluate the approach you’re taking. What should you do if someone asks you out? I’d suggest you decide whether you’re more interested in the date or the referrals. If you take the date, you risk the referrals. You’ve got to figure out your priorities.

The things you need to do to build your network are straightforward and manageable. The toughest part is getting started. The minor issues you run into along the way will be trivial, and they’re worth figuring out as you go so that your network stays healthy, productive, and rewarding.