Social media is an amazing opportunity for building the connections between you and your referral sources. When used properly, it’s an opportunity to build increasingly strong relationships.

You may want to connect with your networking contacts on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Goodreads, Instagram, Pinterest, and whatever else you’re using. We’re not going to dig into the distinctions between these various services, but hopefully you’re using at least one that you have in common with your contact.

Most of these services allow you to search for your contacts with their e-mail address and request that you be added to their list of connections.

The Give and Take of Social Media

With social media, the networking goal is to build connections. It’s an easy way to stay connected and take the relationship to an even deeper level. Think of it as a way to continue the conversation after you leave lunch.

Of course, using social media to improve your relationship will require some give and take. It will not, however, require a great deal of time. You don’t need to spend all day scanning social media to enhance your networking. But you will need to become familiar with and understand the nature of whatever social networks you’re using. For instance, posting a picture of yourself at the beach is totally normal on Facebook. It would be really weird on LinkedIn. Spend some time familiarizing yourself with the services you choose. If all of this feels totally foreign to you and doesn’t really appeal to you, then just skip it. It’s not essential. It’s an enhancement to your networking activities but not a critical element.

Growing Your Relationship Through Facebook

Let’s use Facebook as the best example of social media helping to take your relationship with your contacts to the next level.

1. Get Friendly.

First off, you “friend” your contacts.

2. Be Social.

Then you post to Facebook as you normally do anyway. For some, that means obsessive postings and check-ins about everything that happens during the day. Those posts are supplemented with photos and videos. These users usually funnel posts from other services into their Facebook feeds and regularly update in additional ways from services like Goodreads or Foursquare. These folks are hyper-Facebook-active. It works for them.

Most users, however, update only intermittently. They’ll stumble across something like an article they’d like to share with friends or they’ll “like” a restaurant that served a great meal. They’ll share a vacation picture or a photo of something amusing. They use Facebook when they’re in the mood and they happen to get inspired.

Use Facebook as you feel comfortable. Post what you want to post and don’t overthink it. If you’ve got nothing to say, then say nothing: it’s okay. Don’t get paranoid about Facebook and the business/personal distinction. There is no more distinction between business and personal, and if you’re stuck in that old framework, you’re going to find it very difficult to build these relationships, whether online or off. Let the fear of technology go and be yourself.

3. Monitor Your Contacts.

Finally, you should pay special attention to your contacts’ posts. Check them periodically. You can’t count on Facebook to automatically put the posts in your feed. You should manually check your contacts page once in a while just to see what’s happening.

Checking out their posts does a number of things for you:

• It fills out the picture and makes them three-dimensional. Now you know about their life at home on top of their work life. You’ll understand more about life from their perspective.
• You’ll find opportunities to be of assistance that might not have previously occurred to you.
• Your curiosity will be piqued, and you’ll have more questions for the next lunch.
• You’ll find out what you have in common—and what you don’t—and be able to pursue the commonalities.
• You’ll start to enjoy them more. The more you learn, the more you’ll get interested, and being interested is the key to making this work for both of you.

Social media is a perfect way to stay in touch between lunches and coffees. It’s a great way to keep the relationship moving forward without having to exert any additional time, energy, or money. If you’re already using Facebook and other social media services—and most of us are—then simply add your connections to your list of friends and keep doing what you’re doing. They’ll get to know you, and you’ll get to know them. The relationship will deepen, and the referrals will continue to flow.