Certified letters are rarely a good thing.

I just got one. I didn’t even have to open it to feel the sense of dread.

“The North Carolina State Bar” is what it says on the return address.

The Bar rarely writes, especially by certified mail, just to say “hi.”

And, of course, that’s not why the Bar is writing today.

A former client of our firm has filed a grievance against me. The sense of dread was appropriate.

Upset clients, while inevitable in a family law practice of a dozen lawyers, are distressing. Upset sometimes turns into a grievance. A grievance can quickly turn a good day into a bad day. Sadly, the associated dread can hang over us for a very long time as the bureaucratic wheels grind through the lengthy process.

An emotional reaction to receiving a grievance is normal, and I’m having one right now. It feels like a personal attack. It makes us defensive. It’s upsetting. There’s no way to spin a grievance into a positive. Learning experience? I think not.

The One Thing You Must Do If You Get a Grievance

There’s only one correct path to follow when we get one of these things in the mail. There’s one course of action that’s sensible. There’s one thing we’d advise others to do, and we all know it’s the right way to go.

What should you do if it happens to you? What will I do now that it’s happening to me?

Hire a lawyer, of course.

I can’t help but laugh when I give this advice to lawyers and they resist. But I get it. I resist too. I’m a lawyer. I can save some money and draft a response. I can do the legwork. I can get through the initial phase and see whether I really need counsel when/if it moves along in the process. I don’t need to “waste” money on counsel right now. Have you ever said anything like that? I have. I’m thinking it right now.

Who do we sound like? Of course, we sound just like our potential clients who are resisting our advice. We know they need counsel, but they have nine reasons why they can put it off. We know they’re just making it worse. We know that we can help them more effectively if we get in early and set the course of the process. We know we can make a valuable difference.

It’s funny to watch myself. It’s embarrassing. At the same time, it’s fascinating to see me play the part of the client. It’s intriguing to briefly step outside of myself and watch my emotional reaction and response. I move very quickly from my usual analytical and detached perspective to my emotional and reactive perspective.

Being a client is tough. We react. We make bad decisions. We fail to see things clearly, and there’s nothing that would help us more than to have counsel at our side. I’m not thrilled with the idea of being a client. I prefer the other side of the table. But being a client is sometimes where we need to be. Sometimes it’s best to get the objective, professional help that’s required.

Today I’ll be hiring a lawyer. I’ll write a big check. I’ll wallow in my misery. However, I’ll know I’m doing the right thing. I’ll be following the advice that I’d give you if it were happening to you. I’m glad it’s not. I just wish it weren’t happening to me either.