I was at dinner the other night with two lawyers. While we were eating, one of them withdrew from the conversation and focused on his mobile device.

The only conclusion that I could logically draw was that he had lost interest in talking to me and the other guy. He just wasn’t interested.

• Maybe we’re not that interesting?
• Maybe he decided we just weren’t that important?
• Maybe he doesn’t care if we think he’s a great big jerk?
• Maybe he was having a family emergency and had to take a minute to resolve things? Of course, he didn’t mention that to us, and he didn’t seem concerned when he put down the phone and ordered another beer.

I guess that’s not a problem if he doesn’t care what we think of him.

What’s Your Priority: What’s on Your Phone or What’s Across From You?

I’ve done the same thing myself. I’ve sat at lunch, distracted by my phone, and focused on something or someone who wasn’t at the table. I’m sure my lunch date thought I was a great big jerk. My guess is that I quickly tanked my relationship prospects.

If you don’t care about the people you’re dining with liking you, respecting you, or thinking you’re someone worthy of receiving their business, then go ahead and pick up the phone.

However:

• If you’d like to receive business and/or referrals from your lunch partner, you might want to put the phone down.
• If you’re having lunch or dinner with your boss and you want to advance your career, you might want to put the phone down.
• If you’re having a meal with a prospective spouse or your existing spouse and you want to generate any further engagement in your relationship, then you might want to put the phone down.
• If you’re having a meal with one of your children and you’d prefer that he or she not turn out to be a serial killer, then you might want to put the phone down.

I am as guilty as anyone of being distracted by my phone. If anything, I’m probably one of the most distracted people I know. I often find my phone far more interesting than the person I’m sitting across from.

Put Your Phone Away

However, I’m not stupid. If I’m having a meal with someone I want to influence in any way, then I don’t look at the phone. I have at least enough self-discipline to ignore the phone for an hour when it’s essential.

• If I’m at lunch with another lawyer seeking referrals, I don’t look at the phone.
• If I’m at lunch with my banker seeking a loan, I don’t look at the phone.
• If I’m at lunch with an influential public official, I don’t look at the phone.
• However, if I’m at lunch with one of my employees or someone in my family, I probably look at the phone way too much. I already regret some of that, and I’ll probably regret more of it over time.

I’m not here to tell you how to make your family relationships work. Someone else can help you with that. I’m just here to help you with the business relationships.

If you want the important business relationships to work out for you, then you need to stop looking at the phone. No one trusts you more, respects you more, or thinks more highly of you when you are distracted by your phone. The phone is entirely a negative. It damages your relationship prospects. It does absolutely nothing to help you and it does, in incredibly quick fashion, a great deal to hurt you.

The next time you’re at lunch with me and I look at my phone, feel free to give me a dirty look and tell me to put it away. The next time you’re at lunch and look at your phone, you should remember our discussion today.