When the speck of salad dressing hit me in the face, I had second thoughts about referring business to this guy.

He waved his fork, which was coated in ranch dressing, as he gesticulated wildly. The dressing speck sailed through the air, highlighted by the light flowing through the window, and I watched it as it flew toward me. I felt it when it landed on my cheek. It was disgusting.

If you’re going to have lunch with your referral sources, you’re going to need to learn some basic table manners. This stuff matters, and you’re telling your lunch partner as much about yourself by what you do as by what you say.

Who, Me?

Odds are that you don’t know whether you’re the person who lacks basic etiquette skills. It’s something you missed at some point, and you’re likely oblivious to your lack of knowledge. We don’t know what we don’t know.

As a precautionary measure, go read some articles on table manners. If you find yourself learning a bunch of things you didn’t already know, then this might be a good time to sit down with an etiquette consultant and take a lesson. Yes, there really are etiquette consultants, and they routinely teach lawyers, management consultants, and others these basic skills they somehow missed along the way. It might not be critical that you use the right fork, but it is essential that you know what to do with a piece of gristle you find in your mouth that isn’t going to get swallowed. This truly matters.

If you think I’m the only person watching your manners, you’re wrong. People judge you on this and develop opinions about whether you’re worthy of a referral. Get it right—it’s easy. Don’t undermine your efforts because you failed to develop some basic skills.

Fifteen Steps to Better Etiquette

Here are 15 basic etiquette tips to get you on your way. These are a starting point. You need to take it from here and keep learning. These 15 rules will leave you well fed, credible, and with a reasonable expectation of winning a new client or a referral.

1. Don’t gesture with your silverware. Put it down before you use your hands to talk. Silverware is for use when you’re eating—not when you’re talking.

2. Your bread plate is the one on the left. Don’t take my bread, okay?

3. Your water glass is the one on the right. Memorize it.

4. Stop talking when there’s food in your mouth. No one wants to see that half-chewed food churning around in there.

5. Don’t cut all of your food before you start eating. Cut one bite a time and eat that bite. Then cut the next bite. It may be okay to lean over and cut all of the meat for your three-year-old. It’s not okay to do it for yourself.

6. Keep your elbows off the table. I struggle with this one. My elbows are constantly sneaking up on me.

7. Your napkin goes straight into your lap when you sit down. Get it off the table and in your lap right off the bat and don’t put it back on the table until you leave the restaurant. If you need to go to the bathroom, put it in your seat. No one wants your dirty napkin on the table during the meal.

8. No lipstick, chapstick, or makeup should be applied during or after the meal. That should be done elsewhere and in private. Don’t repair your face or mouth after the meal in the presence of your guest.

9. Toothpicks are for use in the car after you leave. Don’t go picking at your teeth in front of your guest. It’s gross.

10. Napkins are for wiping your mouth and hands. Don’t lick your fingers. Do wipe off your mouth—frequently. Avoid ordering food that makes this challenging. Ribs are for family dinners, not referral source lunches.

11. Leave your mobile phone in your pocket. Don’t check your e-mail, don’t answer a call, and don’t let it distract you. Put it on vibrate or silent and put it away. This lunch will likely last only an hour. If you can’t be away for an hour, then you don’t need referrals because you are already too busy.

12. You should not eat your food until everyone’s food has been served. Just sit politely and wait until all the food arrives. Even if my guest says, “Go ahead, don’t wait for me,” I wait. You’ll get your chance to eat. Just relax. Most of us have an adequate fat supply, and we’re not going to starve if we wait three minutes.

13. When you’re finished eating, leave your plate where it is. Don’t slide it away from you. Just leave it alone with your silverware on the plate. The waitstaff will pick it up eventually, so you don’t need to move it.

14. If something is wrong—like you have food stuck in your teeth or your underwear is stuck in your crack—go to the restroom to fix it. Don’t do it at the table. Excuse yourself and go fix it without alerting your guest to the problem.

15. Sometimes the restaurant will be a disaster. Odds are that your guest picked the spot. Just keep your complaints to yourself and cope. Complaining about the restaurant will feel like an insult to your guest. Just stay quiet, grin, and bear it.

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Some feel that these rules are trivial and minimize their importance. That’s a mistake. You can kill your chances of getting a referral by breaking just one rule. Don’t let that happen to you. Keep learning about etiquette. Keep following the rules. Your business is too important to be damaged by your ignorance of these basic societal norms.