It’s 7:00 in the morning. The air is cool and crisp, and the sky is as blue as I’ve ever seen. The church steeple across from me is glowing orange as the morning sun illuminates it against the blue sky background.

I’m sitting at an outdoor cafe in Northern Italy, nursing my cappuccino, and I’m surrounded by people at all the other tables. There are students at one table, women on their way to work at another, and a bunch of older guys clustered together in a corner.

The voices are loud, and the words are spoken in Italian.

I have zero idea what’s being discussed. Other than the occasional “buongiorno,” it’s all just a jumble of words flowing around me. Thankfully, I managed to order my drink and my pastry, so I have no need to understand.

I’m an outsider here. I don’t know what’s going on. Thankfully, it doesn’t make much difference, and I’m going to have a pretty good day regardless of what they’re talking about at the next table.

That may not be the case for your clients.

Your clients might as well be in Italy listening to Italian. That’s about how well they understand much of what’s said in your office, in the mediation room, at the settlement conference, or at the courthouse. It’s all Italian to them.

What You Can Learn From Being a Foreigner

Your clients don’t understand. Is that something you realize?

There’s incredible value to putting yourself in a “foreign” situation. It gives you compassion for those who don’t understand. It reminds you that they can stand there, look at you, and appear to be listening as they smile and nod, yet have no idea what’s going on. They’re clueless even though they might look like they understand what’s happening.

Last fall, we spent a month on Miami Beach immediately after having returned from Spain. I worked many mornings from a coffee shop frequented by tourists. Most of those folks didn’t speak English. To be honest, I’m not sure how much English would have helped them in that South Beach coffee shop. Spanish would have been more useful, but most of the tourists didn’t speak that either.

I could see the blank look on the faces of the tourists as they entered. Which way to go? Sit or stand in line? Where’s the menu? What’s this or that? Do I wait, or do you bring it to me? The blank look was very familiar because I’d had it so often in Spain.

I wanted to jump up and help. I wanted to show them the line and help them find the menu. I’d watch as a family would walk in, sit down with their children, and wait. Of course, nothing happened. I’d gesture as well as I could, and the father would go get in line. I never failed to witness confusion in that shop. I wondered why they didn’t have better systems and signage. It was chaos.

Your Clients Need a Tour Guide

Your clients—all of them—are feeling like those tourists. They’re baffled, confused, uncertain, and feeling out of control. That’s true of sophisticated, smart clients as well as all the others. They’re listening to every word, but much of what you say isn’t registering. They’re nodding “yes” when they actually have no idea. They’re saying “no” when they don’t really get it. They are maxed out on misunderstanding.

Every single day, you’re charged with remembering that your office is filled with foreign tourists. They are out of their element. They are hearing the words and trying to look like they get it but understanding little of what’s happening. You are their translator; you are their guide.

It’s 7:28 now, and I’m finished writing to you. I’m going to walk over to the counter and attempt to pay. The barista will say something, and I’ll nod and smile. I’ll hand him a five euro bill because I know it’ll be less than that, but I won’t have a clue as to what he just told me to pay. He’ll take my money, say something else, and hand me the change. I’ll mumble “grazie” and walk away.

Thankfully, the only thing at stake for me this morning is coffee. For your clients, the stakes are much higher. Arrivederci.